Lords of Salem (2013)

 

Starring: Sheri Moon Zombie, Bruce Davison, Jeff Daniel Phillips

Directed By: Rob Zombie

Written By: Rob Zombie

Rating: R

My Rating: 2.5 / 5

 

Once more we enter into the ever-disturbing and exciting mind of Rob Zombie with The Lords of Salem. Except not really because this was a much more toned down type of Rob Zombie horror than we've previously seen. It's Zombie trying to make more of a sadistic work of art rather than throwing a bunch of senseless, bloody violence and action up on the screen.

 

Sheri Moon Zombie makes her expected appearance here as late night radio DJ Heidi. Heidi's a somewhat likable gal who has many internal struggles she masks with her job and her two oddball coworkers. One night Heidi receives a mysterious record from "The Lords", and after hearing the ominous music her world starts to turn upside down.

 

The film follows Heidi through a trippy dream-like state filled with horrific and Devilish imagery of naked witches and odd demon creatures. Lots of symbolism here, and unless you plan on seeing the film more than a few times, a lot of it will probably go right over your head. Zombie delves into his artistic side much too often for any of it to really sink in, and much of what's portrayed just ends up making you feel very depressed.

 

The only highlight to me was Meg Foster, who plays the leader of an ancient coven of witches dubbed "The Lords of Salem". She's totally believable as a witch, in both looks and acting, although the majority of the time she's completely naked and like much of the nudity in this film it's completely unflattering but otherwise necessary in order to be believable (yes, expect to see a lot of full frontals of older ladies in this one).

 

But through all the disgusting nudity and bloody, demonic images the film never really goes anywhere. The ending left me with a lot more questions than answers but I wasn't bothered by that like I probably should have been. In the end, I felt bad for Heidi, but was so glad the nightmare was over.

 

Overall I would say that even if you're a Zombie fan you do best to skip this one. It's an experiment on Zombie's part and while I would give him an A for effort I hope he goes back to his conventional ways of filmmaking. In reference to the tagline, yes we have been waiting for a Zombie film but this is not it.

 

 

Summary

 

What I liked:

interesting imagery

Meg Foster

 

What I didn't like:

the characters

gross, excessive nudity

lack of violence and action

 

 

 

 

 

 





Jurassic Park 3D (2013)

 

Starring: Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum

Directed By: Steven Spielberg

Written By: Michael Crichton (screenplay and novel), David Koepp

Rating: PG-13

My Rating: 4 / 5

 

First of all, let me just say that what exactly I'm going to review here is NOT the film itself. It's a classic, no doubt, and ended up being just as enjoyable and thrilling this time around as it did 20 years ago when I saw it on the big screen. But what I'm actually reviewing here is the 3D aspect and how it meshes (or not) with the film.

 

In this case, I have to say I was disappointed with the 3D. Coming into it, I had all these expectations and ideas about where in the original they could insert some awesome three dimensional action shots. Maybe I'm a bit naive, but isn;t that the purpose of 3D? To make us feel as if we are there? That the dinos on the screen are trying to rip us limb from limb? Not only didn't I get that sensation from Jurassic Park 3D, the extra dimension didn't even do anything to add quality to the original picture. The dinos looked exactly as I remembered, just rounder I guess.

 

Another issue I had with this version was that the pace seemed much, much quicker than I remembered. Back in 1993, I vividly recall the film's 127 minute running time not necessarily dragging, but going steady. Here, I felt that some scenes were tightened up, and yet to my knowledge there wasn't anything cut from the original. At any rate, these 127 minutes flew right on by.

 

These drawbacks are the only reason I didn't go ahead and give the film it's deserved 5 / 5. I'm happy I saw the story one more time on the big screen. I'm upset that I had to pay extra for an effect which ended up doing nothing special for Speilberg's masterpiece. Bummer.

 

 

 

 

 



Evil Dead (2013)

 

Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci

Directed By: Fede Alvarez

Written By: Fede Alvarez, Rodo Sayagues

Rating: R

My Rating: 5 / 5

 

Warning: this film is NOT for the squeamish. Anyone who thinks of themselves as such should not waste their time with this film unless they want to vomit. It's that Gross. Yes, with a capital G.

 

Anyways, for those of you who saw the original I believe you will all find the remake very enjoyable. Keep in mind that this is not a scene-by-scene remake of the original by any stretch of the imagination. Alvarez takes the plot along the same roads as Sam Raimi did in the 1981 version, except the characters and their circumstances differ from Raimi's. None of that really matters, however, as the enemy remains the same. The evil book makes a return as do the demons... well, a demon at least.

 

In Alvarez's version, David and his girlfriend Natalie meet up with his longtime buddies Eric and Olivia at a remote cabin in the woods to help David's sister Mia overcome her drug addiction. Going into it I rather enjoyed the unique tweek in the plotline because it wasn't just a group of friends hanging out and having a good time. David and company already have a problem because Mia's 100% not on board with their plan and fights them every step of the way.

 

Throw in the book of evil, let loose a bloodthirsty demon, and the problems really begin. As does the gore and blood... so much blood. The film's scariest moments come once the demon gets released (accidentily of course) and starts possessing the group members one by one. I don't want to give away anything, but expect a lot of jump moments, amber-colored eyes, and extremely disgusting violence / gore in this one. I'm not kidding, people were retching. Even if can't get over the disgusting violence, the film still has plenty to offer in terms of scares and overall creepiness. The acting's not bad either, and a performance to watch out for in particular would be Lou Taylor Pucci as Eric. Poor Shiloh Fernandez takes the reigns from Bruce Campbell, and while he's not bad as the lead role he's... well he's definitely no Bruce Campbell.

 

For those who have seen the original, I strongly recommend staying tuned until after the credits roll. All I'll say is there's a funny surprise.

 

 

Summary

 

What I liked:

gruesome, bloody violence

Lou Taylor Pucci

creepy CGI

lots of scare moments

 

What I didn't like:

no Bruce Campbell

less first person camera movements